On Love and Prepositions

As you might know, I recently got married. Foolish as that decision may have been on her part, it was a wonderful day, and it gave me the opportunity to say a few words when everyone I know had to pay attention. Why else would anyone get married? Here is the text of that speech:

There is an unexpected side-benefit to being a part of your parents’ weddings. When my dad married Judy, he very kindly asked me to be his best man. Wisely, he did not ask me to be responsible for much – I pretty much just had to turn up on the day and read a speech. When he first mentioned it, he promised me faithfully that he trusted me, that he would leave the writing up to me and that he wouldn't demand to look it over ahead of time. Then, about a month before the wedding he called me up and said “So, about that speech? Yeah, I'm going to need to see it…”. I was outraged at the time, but now I have had the distinct pleasure of returning the favour to him. Revenge is indeed sweet.

Truth be told, I'm very pleased that he and Tommy and Ellie have agreed to speak, and indeed I'm grateful to everyone who has helped make our wedding so special. That includes all of you here – I know many of you have come a long way to be with us, and I'm thrilled you could all make it. Especially given that, for two people who know a lot of teachers, we've been very inconsiderate with our timing. Those of you with cushy office jobs should spare a thought for those who have to face a new batch of little monsters, I mean treasures, come Monday morning.

There’s generally a sort of tacit agreement for weddings. You give up a weekend to come and spend hours listening to people you don’t really care about make dull speeches about love, and in return they should feed you and maybe give you a drink or two. If nothing else, I am a big believer in tradition, so now that you’re all fed and watered it would be remiss of me not to bore you for the next few minutes with some meditations on love. I promise it will only be as dull as my soliloquys on shipping containers or how they make pencils.

In truth it feels as though today has been a long time coming. It’s been seven and a half years since we met – not that long in the grand scheme of things, but over a quarter of my life. We have been lucky to grow up together – despite each of our parents thinking that we’re somehow miraculously responsible for ‘saving’ one another. We've taken big steps and little steps, and above all else we have always been playing as part of a team.

Certainly, we bear little resemblance to the children we were when we met. Ceci has learned to dress for the weather rather than hope it doesn't rain (a fact that if nothing else shows how much she’s been Anglicised), while I have learned that a chinstrap and shaved head doesn't make you look hard and dangerous so much as it does blind and stupid. Looking like the bassist from an early Noughties punk rock band should not be an aspiration – it should be a dire warning.

Some of these changes are simply a matter of time – we've become unavoidably older and hopefully wiser, found jobs and careers, and started really looking forward to trips to Ikea. But some of those are entirely because of each other. I know that I wouldn't be nearly as kind, considerate or loving as I am without Ceci. And given how kind and considerate I am even with her help, that’s certainly saying something.

One of the readings in the ceremony was the story of Baucis and Philemon. It’s one of my favourite myths, not least because it combines a horrifying genocide with a simple lesson about letting strangers into your house. But I do think it’s a model for how we try to live. Not so much the staring into each other’s eyes as we turn into trees, but the fact that we love and support each other and present a united and welcoming front to those around us. I hope that you all know that you would always be welcome in our home – although perhaps not all at once.

But while we’re talking Classics, I would be doing myself a disservice if I didn't sneak in a little language lesson. As some of you will know, the Greeks had six words for love: Eros; Philia; Ludus; Agape; Pragma; and Philautia. We would call them: Passion; Friendship; Joy; Selflessness; Longevity; and Self-love. I see all of these when I look around this room – the love we have for friends and family, the love of parents and children, the joy of new love and the peace of love that is well-worn.

But more than that, I know that each of these exists in the love that Ceci and I share. Anyone who has had to sit and listen to us bicker knows that we have passion. Friendship? Well, as trite as it may seem I have married my best friend. I have never met someone as joyful as Ceci, and I defy you to find anyone more selfless. And I am incredibly lucky to have found someone who makes me love myself more by her love for me.

Now, I admit that this is all quite high-concept, and I can hear some of you thinking that of course Will would turn a wedding speech into an etymology lesson. To be honest, this is kind of on you. If you thought for one moment that I would pass up the only opportunity in my life when everyone I know has to sit and listen to me, then you don’t know me at all. But you’re right: as an extended metaphor it’s needlessly complicated, hopelessly convoluted, and doesn't tell you anything of real substance.

And the crux of it is, I believe that to love is simple. If you’ll permit me another literary metaphor, love takes no prepositions. You don’t love somebody ‘unless’, or ‘until’, or ‘despite’, or even ‘because’. You just love them. You might not love everything they do, unless you have a specific taste for people who leave their socks on the floor and feel like it’s acceptable to respond to a text with just the letter ‘k’. You might not love everything they say, or agree with everything they believe. But to love someone is to know who they are in their core, and to go “yes please, I’ll have that one”.

So while you might bicker, or argue, or get upset when they refuse to watch Love Island with you, to love your partner is to know that the good and the bad parts of them aren’t balanced on scales. When you love them, you love their good qualities, their endearing foibles and their irritating habits. You love their past, even if you can’t believe they ever thought that hairstyle suited them, and you love their future potential. Their achievements are yours, their priorities are yours, and yes even their dirty socks on the floor are yours. You disgusting animal.

I never really thought that I would be so excited to just live a quiet life and grow old with someone, but I can honestly say that I can think of nothing I would rather dedicate my life to. I cannot wait until the day that the gods drown all of our neighbours and turn us into trees.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the beautiful bride, my wife, Cecilia. To the bride.

The only time in your life people insist on seeing you kiss in public.